Kindness First

How do we overcome the persistent feeling of isolation and loneliness in modern life? By first extending a hand, an ear, an olive branch…whatever we can muster…

“For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love.”
– 
Carl Sagan

Random acts of kindness kindle authentic trust! (#rakKat)

This week is random acts of kindness week culminating in random acts of kindness day on February 17th, a day first observed in New Zealand in 2004. Many claim the concept originated back in 1982 when writer Anne Herbert scribbled the words “practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty” on a placemat in a Sausalito, CA restaurant, a phrase she coined in opposition to the well-known “random acts of violence and senseless acts of cruelty”.

In 1993 a book called Random Acts of Kindness was published and as a result, media coverage in the U.S. ensued. The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation was founded in 1995 to provide a resource for individuals and groups interested in spreading kindness in their communities. And RAK week was born…

cat and birdKINDNESS STARTS WITH ONE – We all struggle. We all stress. But thankfully, we also all love (aww). And we’ve all had that moment when we feel like maybe what we are doing doesn’t make a difference. But we’ve discovered the loophole to that dilemma! Being good to others. Kindness really does start with one—one person, one act, one place, one city, one county, and one movement with one goal in mind: To make our world a kinder place one act at a time. And, every single one of us can play a part in this mission.

This movement is a counterbalance to the loneliness and isolation in the world. Kindness connects us with one another and creates deeper meaning in our lives. This is what’s missing in our lives, this is what the #rakKat is all about! Let us spread joy and love this week, and every week, and every single where that you GO!

To get you started, here are a few of my favorite kindness action resources:

Kindness Action Communities

Research Centers

Podcasts, Books & Other Experts

Products

The health benefits of kindness are undeniable!

RAKWeek_kindness_health_facts

So get out there and run a #rakKat!!!
Happy RAK Week everyone!

And So This Is Christmas

Christmas is an age-old tradition steeped in heart-stirring sentiment, yet embattled by debate. Even so the declaration of a “War on Christmas” appears to be old news. These days we can’t seem to agree on the intent of a simple song – Is ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ ‘a little rapey’ or innocuous?

And so, I don’t celebrate Christmas. What is there to celebrate?

But before I get into the many reasons against the season, might I suggest a reset? What if? During the deepest darkest hours of the year, we were to serve those in need in our communities? How about Merry Kindmas or Happy Caringdays? Ok, I know these are corny catchphrases but hear me out. Christmas has run its course! And wouldn’t it be a wondrous and miraculous gift if we could replace our argument and indulgence with a compassionate embrace?

Years ago I thought I’d write a book on Christmas calling on Christians to abandon the holiday. I devoured books on the topic including Christmas in America by Penne L. Restad and Consumer Rights: The Buying and Selling of American Holidays by Leigh Eric Schmidt.

After review of my detailed notes, and in true Dickens fashion, let me fly you through the ghosts of Christmas past, visit a few of the ghosts of Christmas present, and ponder the ghosts of Christmas future. What will become of the controversial holiday?

The Ghosts of Christmas past…

Did you know there was an ancient war on Christmas?
December 25th as the official day of Christmas dates back to a proclamation of the church of Rome in 336 A.D. This dating of Christ’s birth to the day of winter solstice countered two pagan feasts – Saturnalia and Sol Invictus. Historians assert evidence of a war on Christmas in the 3rd century between Sol Inustitiae (Sun of Righteousness) and Sol Invictus (Mithra). In the feast of Saturnalia, celebrated from Dec. 17th to Dec. 23rd, slaves were allowed liberty and presents were exchanged accompanied by a great deal of eating drinking, and lewd behavior.

Throughout history, Christmas began to blend the natural, mythic, and civic traditions and religions of the day.

The first American war on Christmas

puritan-christmasPuritans rejected the church’s notion of Christ’s birth on December 25th and opposed the celebration of Christmas altogether. In fact, it was illegal to celebrate Christmas in Massachusetts between 1659 and 1681. The Puritan war on Christmas lasted well into the 18th century, until it became recognized as a federal holiday.

A raucous carnival
Christmas in Europe had long been a drunken revelry and European immigrants to the New World happily brought their raucous customs with them. Mummers, wassailers, and revelers with their callithumpian bands shouted their dissatisfaction and merriment all across early America shooting guns in the street and demanding gifts and food from wealthy homeowners.

“Here we stand before your door, 
As we stood the year before;
Give us whisky, give us gin,
Open the door and let us in.”

It wasn’t until Christmas was “recast to fit the essence of a Christian home venerating Jesus and honoring children” that nights became silent and calm.

An object of commercial profit and exploitation

coca cola santaEnter Santa – or the modern version of Santa as derived from Knecth Ruprecht and St. Nicholas, to the elfish Kris Kringle, and finally to the modern day rotund and rosy Santa Claus. In the home, he provided parents a way to teach children about the rewards and punishment of good and bad behavior. In the marketplace, he fueled the growth of consumer commerce. Santa was first used as an advertising tool in 1830-1840’s and quickly became a central figure of the holiday, the modern archetype arising out of a 1930’s ad by Coca-Cola.

In 1870 Congress declared Christmas an official federal holiday and by the 1880’s Americans had reinvented Christmas altogether, fashioned by the moods of modern industrial life complete with Santa’s workshop and the making and distributing of toys to the masses. Shopping for the season trended earlier and earlier in attempt to stimulate recovery after the great depression. In 1941 President Roosevelt moved Thanksgiving from the last to the second to last Thursday in November to extend the shopping season. Christmas became the “merchants’ harvest” – a festival of consumption accounting for the majority of annual retail profits. 1924 marked the first Macy’s day parade with “Santa as the guiding spirit of the Christmas bazaar” and department stores supplanted churches in holiday ornamentation.

A few unfortunate accidents
By 1900 one in five Americans had a Christmas tree in the home. Unfortunately, before electric lights, newspapers reported accidental deaths caused by the flames of unwatched candles!

A means of social stratification
Presents were a way to express status and position in society. New Years’ was the original time of gift giving, to convey good wishes for health and prosperity in the coming year. Gift giving didn’t become commonplace until the early 19th Century. And when it did, it soon became clear that Santa preferred rich children over poor children instead of good children over bad ones supporting the mounting social value of materialism over morality.

And a harmful lie
Psychologists frowned on the idea of teaching children that Santa is real, fearing kids would become disillusioned when they realized he is not. Robert Jay Lifton coined the term desymbolization – the loss of human capacity to understand the difference between a symbol and the reality that it’s meant to portray.

Early concerns about Christmas centered largely on issues of social order and decency.

The ghosts of Christmas present

Modern concerns caution selfishness and greed, especially amongst children. What was once a season of innocent indulgence encouraged by imaginative merchants is now a grand festival of consumption monitored by Wall Street as an indicator of economic health. Would we plunge into recession without Christmas?

The modern war on Christmas
The mid-1900’s brought the debate to a boil with lawsuits challenging the constitutional legality of nativity scenes and other religious symbols in the public domain. Allen vs. Hickel (1970) sued the National Park Service to end its annual Christmas pageant of peace with its life-size nativity scene. In 1992 a coalition of Protestant and Catholic ministers issued a proclamation against the commercialization of Christmas. “We have seen the spirit of Christmas reduced to a carnival of mass marketing. Consumption has taken on an almost religious quality; malls have become the new shrines of worship. Massive and alluring advertising crusades have waged war on the essential meaning of the spiritual life, fostering the belief that the marketplace can fulfill our highest aspirations.”

A device of unjust discrimination
The 50’s and 60’s brought complaints about X-mas to an all-time high. The social unrest of the decades caused a shift in women’s sentiments, and many began to voice concerns over their dominant role in organizing all the elaborate trimmings of the season. African Americans protested Christmas as an all-white season. Jews criticized it as exclusionary, and more.

A mental breakdown
At about the same time, psychiatrists began to diagnose the first cases of the holiday blues.

A stress-induced illness
And studies since have found a large percentage of workers call in sick as a result of stress over the holidays.

A serious health hazard
For still somewhat unknown reasons deaths spike around the holidays referred to as the  “Christmas Holiday Effect.”

An opportune crime spree
And rates of criminal activity also spike during the holidays, especially robbery and larceny.

It deprives children of creativity
New studies show kids who are given more toys are less creative and more distracted.

It clutters our lives and minds
Research also shows that materialism is linked to lower levels of well-being and happiness for people of all ages and walks of life.

It presents a financial risk
And yet Americans have a troubling tendency to go overboard! In a 2016 study, 65% of consumers took on holiday debt unexpectedly with an average of $1,003 up from $986 in the year prior. Most predicted they’ll need four months or more to pay it off!

A simple inconvenience
It turns out most employees would rather avoid the holiday Christmas party.

It expands our waistlines
Of course, with the opportunity to overindulge “guilt-free” we’re often left with New Year’s resolutions to shed extra pounds. Not to mention what the added sugar consumption does to our metabolism, immune system, and overall health.

And encourages a return to debauchery
New traditions of revelry have emerged. SantaCon, a kind-of Halloween of Christmastime, is now celebrated in 397 cities and 52 countries!

I could go on and on…but I wonder

What will the Ghosts of Christmas Future bring?

elf on shelfWe all know the elf on the shelf is up to no good! I predict a continued slide to the streets in a return to drunken revelry marked by increasing levels of stress and dissatisfaction.

Is all the harried scurrying about worth it?

Why not turn away from traditions of the past and use the end of the year (the deep of winter and our darkest hour of need) to support one another, volunteer, and spend time in reflection and planning for the year ahead?

Here are some ideas to consider:

  • Volunteer time to support local charities
  • Write thank you notes to those who’ve made a difference in your life this year
  • Take time to clear the cobwebs in a ritual cleaning, give what you don’t need to charity and make space to imagine a bountiful New Year
  • Reflect on what you’ve accomplished this year, where you could improve, and what you hope to achieve in the New Year
  • Set goals for continued personal improvement
  • Spend quality time with friends and loved ones
  • Make a healthy meal for a person in need instead of bringing cookies and candy to the office
  • Call someone you haven’t talked to in years to catch up and let them know you care
  • Give money to causes you care about in areas of need
  • Commit to random acts of kindness during the month of December
  • Recognize the good in everyday life, and help me record it here!
  • And find other ways to give and serve

Let’s admit, we’ve outgrown Christmas! It’s time to stop lying to innocent children and instead start teaching them and reminding ourselves of the values of charity, kindness, and compassion.

Could a new festival of kindness be our light at the end of the year? And so I wish you a Merry Kindmas, Happy Caringdays, and a blessed New Year!

 

The Good of the Tribe

Tribe: a social community linked by common culture.

The word tribe has been co-opted by wily marketing wizards. Playing on our desire forvibe and tribe authentic connection, TRIBE monetizes social media endorsements to promote brands. There’s Tribe Dynamics, Tribe Wearables, TRIBE nutrition bars, Tribe Hummus, tribe.net to find your community and countless websites with tips on how: your VIBE attracts your tribe.

Quite to the contrary, chronic loneliness has become a modern-day health epidemic. It’s almost impossible to find any true sense of “tribe” in contemporary material life. We’re drawn to the word, but we seem to have lost its aspiring premise: to risk oneself for the common good. According to Sebastian Junger in his book Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging, to do so is outside of the cultural norm of acquisitive individualism.

Modern society doesn’t encourage closeness. It pits us against one another in a “keeping up with the Jonses” competition – valuing beauty, money, and status over integrity, kindness, and citizenship. This competition then breeds distrust, as evidenced by our country’s obsession with lawsuits! plantiffs.JPGWe fight to protect our turf, blind to the alienating effects of our individual prosperity.

What’s more, politicians speak with contempt accusing rivals of deliberately trying to harm the country, further eroding group unity. When our highest leaders rest satisfied with the fifty plus one, we all lose. We are living in a world that is at war with itself.

If we begin to recognize the silent struggles beneath the surface and ACT, in our daily lives and local communities, for the GOOD of the TRIBE, together we can combat the dangerous threat of social isolation and ideological separation.

A recipe for the good of the Tribe:

  1. Connect with self – examine what you tolerate and take time to restore your spirit. Your sense of self reflects like a mirror. Get comfortable with all that you are, accepting of your strengths and weaknesses, anchored by the things you value most in life.
  2. Connect with others – forge strong bonds by approaching with trust until trust is broken, give of your time, treasure, and talent, employ empathy and extreme compassion.
  3. Connect with purpose – focus your energies toward something productive and meaningful to you. And when possible enlist or share the experience with others!

When actively engaged in our communities or a common cause and allied arm-in-arm with one another, life has a higher purpose. We are the connective tissue of our neighborhoods, our cities, our country, and the world.

Our individual actions define our common culture; they determine whether or not we are a tribe or simply tribal.we-566326_640.jpg

With a Perspective

perspective

On a brisk morning, I jump into my car, reach first for the heat, and then for the radio. The KQED morning anchors are already droning on about the winter Fund drive interrupting my flow of news. Leaving from the Outer Sunset for Palo Alto with the ocean on my right, I decide to make the call.

“Thank you for calling KQED…”

Before the volunteer can go on, I launch into animated platitudes.

“I’m so grateful for KQED’s reporting, I listen every morning on my commute to stay informed, what you do is sooo important, now more than ever, especially in this era of post-fact journalism…” blah blah blah

The gruff voice on the other end quickly moves me along:
“Mam, how much would you like to pledge?”

Slightly annoyed, I give my information to become a Sustaining Member.

To my surprise, he asks…“Would you like to be transferred to a voicemail box to share how you feel about KQED?”

“Why yes! Yes, I would!” (As I think to myself – AHA! That’s how it works…)

onair-day-2

I arrive at the studio at 7:45 AM on a Saturday morning, greeted by fellow volunteers and toasted bagels.

Ken runs us through the script, the how-to. As May gives out prizes and updates us on our fundraising totals, the what’s what.

We’re “On Air”, in a live studio, many anxious first-time volunteers, and a few old hands, of ALL ages, from ALL over the Bay area – Fairfax, Dublin, Campbell, San Francisco, Oakland, San Jose. Our callers are even more diverse and wide-ranging – from Sonoma, Davis, Pleasanton, Monterey, even Idaho!

We’re 16123854_173574143127304_3919436237768753152_n1united by a love of public radio, a desire to give, AND these most uncertain of times.

At breaks, volunteers share fears and concerns. We share our stories and hopes. Our callers share them too! Encouraged, we eagerly await the next call, and the chance to connect.

Matching challenges and bonus gifts heat up the phone lines. With the roar of activity, it’s difficult to hear, but easy to tell, we’re on a roll!

We close the day as the 2nd highest in Ken’s Fund drive experience with more than $70,000 in contributions!

The record, however, is clearly tied to this year’s election results – a heavy price to pay for our self-satisfaction!

Like never before, Americans are joining in, rising up, and making a difference together – for KQED, the ACLU, our National Parks, Planned Parenthood, and most importantly, for one another.

By standing up for our values, I only hope that we can counter the pervasive fear that now exists in order to reclaim what’s already been lost and triumph over what is yet to come.

With a Perspective, I’m Kat Walsch.